Fill my Cup

Our God is GOOD! Fill my cup Lord..fill it up. One day at a time...one mile at a time.

This cup was left on my Papa's front porch this week. As I write this, I have tears. I can't help it. Our God is so good. He is perfect and He won't ever let us go. That gives me peace knowing how much He loves us. Each day he WILL fill up our cup if we let him. He is the hope of our soul and I am very grateful.

Before Cozumel, my family "softly" let me know that my Papa had some irregular blood tests etc and would have some appointments to go over the results. And then I was told "He's fine". Of course, I should of known better. My family was making sure I focused on Ironman Cozumel with my whole heart. I remember crossing the line and making a mad dash to call my Papa and Granny on Skype to share in how special of a race it was. They listened with such excitement. My grandparents have been here since the beginning- through all the sweat and tears, hard work, since 1997!

Fast forward to our trip to Detroit. Boy, was I excited to come home. I cherish every moment that I get with my family. Their love fuels me each day. My goal was to soak up as much as I could- a run with Papa, swims with Granny and Mom, wine and pizza with my siblings, playing dressup with the nieces and nephew. What I didn't know was that Papa had more tests and another appointment to come while I was there.

Thanks to both my loving husband and my Dad, one late evening, my Mom finally shared with me that Papa probably has cancer for the 4th time. Pancreatic Cancer. I will admit I lost it. I got a bit hysteric in weeping. My soul ached- as if ripped out from my gut. From the outside maybe people will think I am soft, or that I was overreacting. But you must understand the relationship I have with my grandparents and for sure my family in general. They stand on the frontlines of battle with me, always loving me, supporting me and believing in me even when I doubt. My Papa has been there for this entire journey. He sees what I am capable of and is open to remind me frankly. He got me out on my first bike ride, patiently waited while I protested staying on his wheel. My Papa and Granny have taught me that my goals, the gifts that God has given me, is worth fighting for. And so I cried. Out of fear of losing my Papa, for the unfairness of how someone could get Cancer for a 4th time! And worried, because I didn't know exactly where my Papa stood with God. Over the years He has been silent about this, and I never pushed. But my goal over the trip prior to hearing about the cancer news was to talk to him about this, out of an urgency I felt...now it all made sense.

Of course, My Papa hates that I make a big deal about how much I love him and will not stand for any of my tears. We all went to Christmas Eve service together and I just prayed from the depths of my soul. Boy- how was I going to talk to him now without freaking out?

Christmas Day came and dinner at the Grandparents house. It was as if my Granny knew what was weighing on my heart. As we ate, she and Papa shared about how the week before Papa was running with his friend, Cleo- an amazing Christian women who is gets after my Papa big time on life etc- and she had the "talk" with him. And as they ran on Paint Creek trail- Papa asked God in his heart and confessed his faith. It wasn't that he didn't believe there was a God- but he never committed his life to our Father. Yep- I wept again. God so clearly answered my prayers.

You should of seen the smile on my Papa's face. The reassurance and love that overwhelmed me was AWESOME. God gave me great peace in that moment, and I knew that no matter the tests to come, no matter how bad things may get...My Papa will be going to a place so great and beautiful, he will be able to see God face to face. I was able to breathe again.

And so this brings me to the photo of the cup. Cleo left this on my Papa's porch to remind him to DRINK because his kidney (only one left) is starting to "fail". This can be "paused" if he hydrates well and eats specifically etc. So hence the cup. BUT with each sip my Papa can be reminded how great God is and that HE WILL FILL UP OUR CUP, one day at a time, one mile at a time.

My Papa continues to amaze me and teach me so much. As he says "it is what it is...". We don't have control of this life, but we can all chose to live by faith. In that God will fill our cup.