Monday, July 08, 2013
June 23, 2013. The day I was "suppose" to race Ironman Idaho. It is funny how we create these ideal race schedules as an athlete. We map out the training, lay out races that fit within our training, and we get absorbed in all little things that help us build up to the goal races. Idaho was to be one of those goal races for me. My coach and I had put together our schedule around Christmas to prepare for the 2013 season.
The whole week leading up to June 23, I was on edge. I was sad, emotional, and a good bit lonely. While my heart knew that I had made the right decision in retiring from triathlon at Florida 70.3- My mind was stuck. It is hard to let go of the last 16 years. I got down right depressed the week leading up to the Ironman because frankly racing was "easy and comfortable". It is what I know and I was able to have some "control" of what was ahead. I spent a lot of time feeling sad, wanting to just curl up in bed and sleep it off.
Of course because I am stubborn, I didn't share my feelings with anyone really. I didn't want to deal with what was stirring up in my heart. Thankfully my beautiful sister knew exactly what was going on. On Sunday the most awesome surprise arrived at my door step. A bouquet of flowers from my nieces. A simple card that said "We love you Yaya!". I stood there in tears grateful to finally just let it all out.
I have been trying to be strong in this life change, to act like it is no big deal, that I have it all together. GUESS WHAT?! I don't. I am imperfect and broken. I continually try to depend on my own strength.
This isn't how we are to live.
God wants us to draw our strength from Him, not depend on our own strength. God alone is to be glorified. Our walk as Christians will not be free of suffering- it isn't all unicorns and rainbows. There will be fiery trials. In these trials we are to REJOICE and BE GLAD- to find our STRENGTH in God. I look back at this emotional wrecking ball of a week, I am guilty of dwelling on my hurt and not REJOICING in all the good that has been sprouting from listening to the Lord's call for my family.
June 23 is over- the sadness has erupted into a beautiful garden of growth and healing. Read 1 Peter 5:6-10 for a bit of encouragement. God cares for us- His mighty hand is upon us. We are to cast our worries on him. Oh I am grateful for this.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called your to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, strengthen, and establish you."
We are not alone in our suffering. Let's stand firm in our faith together, knowing that He will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us.